By:Joe Fotalattee

Washington D.C. – In a stunning display of journalistic prowess, CNN’s chief white house correspondent, Jim Acosta, has unveiled a transformative reporting style marked by dramatic pauses, expressive eyebrow raises, and a deep voice to grab your attention like Barry White to your mom. The award-winning journalist, renowned for his flair for the dramatic, has now turned his attention to the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE).

It all started during a recent press briefing when Acosta pointedly asked the press secretary, “Is this government truly efficient?

Jim’s voice took on a rich, deep tone, “Because, in all seriousness… pause for dramatic effect … efficiency is not just a word—it’s a concept. And we need to know if DOGE is barking up the right tree.”

“So, might I ask,” he intoned with a grave solemnity, “how many dogs are we talking about in this department?” This loaded question hung in the room, pregnant with implications, as Acosta continued to maintain a gaze while putting on smart looking bifocals.

With reporters around the world now reportedly considering eyebrow training, the future of journalism rests delicately in the balance—alongside a ferociously diligent pack of dogs working tirelessly at the DOGE. Acosta’s closing remarks? “Thank you for your attention, and remember: Whether you like it or not, we’re all just trying to keep this government on a tight leash.”