by Joe Fotalattee

The controversial flavors, “Shrapnel Strip” and “Gaza Gooey Genocider,” were promising to set taste buds ablaze, and quickly nixed by Unilever, the parent company of Ben And Jerry’s.

The flavors included ingredients like “war-torn wafer pieces” and “apples with sand chunks.” The company touted the offerings as a “bold commentary on world affairs”.

“We thought people were ready for ice cream that could spark discussion,” said Jerry, “Who knew combining geopolitical crises with dessert would lack universal appeal?”

President Lardass, in response, released his own brand of ice cream on a conspiracy theory social media site. “Fudge Pants” is said to be manufactured in a top-secret location to ensure it contains just enough sugar to keep supporters coming back for more, but not enough to make them realize they’re consuming ice cream that’s 99% marketing.

Lardass posted, “You’ll find out why I fart so much, believe me.” Supporters can even purchase collectible pints that come autographed for an extra $300, $400 if paying by Bitcoin,